House of Resource
Solving Problems That You Didn't Even Know Existed
by Ruth Waddy on September 16th, 2015

Texas is hot.  When it's not hot, it's really humid.  When it's not humid, it's sweltering.  You get the idea.  A loved one of mine, who's name, I well mercifully not mention;  has a particular problem in the Texas heat.  When I met said person, he used a leather wallet.  He carried cash in said wallet.  He purchased items with said cash.  He made change for untold strangers.  He conducted all of these activities in the aforementioned broiling Texas sun. This cash would emerge from his wallet damp, limp; fragrant with the aroma of soggy dollars.  As though he did his banking with the wet bills from the children at the concession stand of the community pool.
He did not conduct his banking in this manner.  
He did not live with mermaids and merman in a secret underwater cave.
He did not commute to work each morning by swimming the river, fully-clothed.  
Now, you may surmise that my loved one's ass might be generating such an abundance of sweat; that it would soak through his garments, passed the protective barrier of his wallet and inundate his bills.
 This is a revolting notion, and I refuse to believe it.  
Let me offer a counter- theory.  I do believe that the incessant, scorching, sizzling heat has indeed, caused my dear one to sweat - profusely. But not from the place where the sun doesn't shine.  No!  From the place closest to the sun!  From the top of his innocent, pristine, beautiful head.  And it is this sweat that is cascading down, like an amusement park water slide.  Down the back of his head, and down the back of his neck, and down his back to be deposited in his back pocket!  Where it would, naturally, sully his cash.   
 Despite his bizarre propensity for generating moist money,  I loved him.  I made him a wallet because I loved him.  I made him a wallet out of bicycle inner tubes because that's what I do.  
He continued to conduct cash transactions with this new bike tube wallet in the blazing, blistering, burning heat.
Miraculously, his money remained dry.
A few days ago, I was informed by a  friend who  had purchased a wallet from me;  that, since using it; he too, noticed that his formerly damp dollars, were dehydrated!  
So, based on this irrefutable scientific evidence, we can conclude that one of the world's most pressing and dire problems has been solved!
You're welcome. 

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